im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
