Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All the doctor said was why
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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