I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
