My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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