i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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