does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I wear drunk well.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
