I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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