1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
