i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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