I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
