Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You took a bar mat shot.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
