Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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