know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
