It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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