I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
