Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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