omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
