I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
