Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
