At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
