So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
