i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
