zippers are such a cool invention
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
