dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
