If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
