Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
