Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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