She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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