Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
