What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
