I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
