Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
