so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
