is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
