I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
