we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
