i don't plan on having that self control this summer
are you so shy because you have an std?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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