Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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