don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
