That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
