Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my liver is dry heaving
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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