I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
