woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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