I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
