i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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