Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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