I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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