we're blogging at a bar
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
