my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
