I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
