You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
