Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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