Kiss
Puke
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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