So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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