Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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